More so than any other holiday, Valentine’s Day may set couples up for disappointment if each member has a different idea of what an “appropriate celebration” means. One person may spend weeks coming up with a Valentine’s Day gift that speaks directly to their beloved’s spirit, while another might surely pick up a Hallmark card and a box of chocolates and call it a day. If you are not strictly on the same page about the expectations for this special day, inequities are bound to happen. However, gaps between how individuals express their love may arise any time of the year, often blindsiding those who don’t even realize that there is a true problem.
Lori Gottlieb, who is a psychotherapist and author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone explains that so many times people are worried about what they are getting or not getting in terms of love, and they still don’t pay a lot of attention to what they are giving or not giving in terms of this wonderful feeling. She also explains that it’s really important to remember that your significant other is not you and how your love is expressed is going to be different from how your partner does.
Communication Is Key
While many people would rather eat an entire Whitman’s sampler blindfolded than talk about their feelings, the perfect way to find out how your partner prefers to be loved is to ask. Direct communication is the true sign of a healthy relationship, although it may be uncomfortable to some. Gottlieb adds that asking someone how they want to be loved is one of the most caring things a person can do.
Show Love Other Than The Three Little Words
Sure, you may have said “I love you” but many relationships are actually missing another sense of connection. Sometimes, the three words that they want to hear is “I understand you.” If you have ever vented to your main squeeze about your day, the thing you have to do is just to look up and see their head buried in their phone, and you already know this is true. Listen to your partner without judgment.